


Ding Dong Ding

by nosoundsgood



Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Fancy Crack, M/M, Minor Character Death, Weddings, quick cameo from the doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 16:03:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5133752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosoundsgood/pseuds/nosoundsgood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick and Gatsby are getting married.</p><p>The officiator, one Jordan Baker, clad in a stunning, sharp, penguin suit, says, "Does anyone object to this marriage?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ding Dong Ding

**Author's Note:**

> Group effort, spite, and slight starvation--fic motivation.

It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The birds, strangely, are chirping to the tune of "Party in the USA" instead of squawking.

The church is extravagant, with tall walls and a gothic design. Light streams in through the windows, making the entire inner expanse shine brightly with an almost ethereal glow.

Jay Gatsby and Nick Carraway are already at the altar. Gatsby's dress is a beautiful powder pink, silk ballgown--a wedding dress of exquisite tastes. Nick is in a gorgeous ruffled, champagne, slimming chiffon dress. They are stunning.

The officiator, one Jordan Baker, clad in a stunning, sharp, penguin suit, says, "Does anyone object to this marriage?"

The church is dead silent, save the crying of a baby.

Suddenly, the doors burst open and Donald Trump storms in, his teeth bared and his lips forming an odd rectangular shape.

"I object!" The two sacrilegious words come tumbling out of his mouth and clatter, loud and unwanted, on the tiled floor.

Nick stops gazing fondly into his future husband's eyes and glares directly at that idiotic buffoon, Trump. He walks toward Trump slowly as the rest of the church chants, "Grump Stump go away, or you'll never see another day."

Trump looks on at the people, his face showing only one emotion: confused anger. He's distracted by the words of the usually loving audience when a punch lands on his face. He falls down, revealing a seething Nick Carraway who's being hugged by a very happy Jay Gatsby.

The wedding resumes, with only a minor hiccup. Daisy bursts forth from the pews and begins to claw at Trump's unconscious body.

"IF ANYONE IS GOING TO RUIN THIS WEDDING," she yells angrily, "IT"--a punch in the eye--"WILL"--a knee to the gut--"BE"--a slap to the face--"ME!" The ignorant fool shudders but continues to sleep.

Daisy, in her fury, drags both Trump and her whining husband out of the church.

Jordan simply rolls her eyes and resumes the wedding. "Since there were no objections," she says flatly, "we will now continue." She turns to Gatsby, who's still clinging to Nick in the middle of the walkway. "Do you take Nick to be your lawfully wedded husband?" she asks.

Myrtle coughs when Gatsby takes a while to reply. "Hurry up!" she whispers loudly.

"Of course," Gatsby says, his voice muffled as he speaks into Nick's shoulder.

"And you?" Jordan asks Nick.

"I do," Nick replies, his voice soft.

"Then I now pronounce you husband one and husband two," Jordan says with a flourish. "You can do the kissing thing now."

The face each other, grinning happily, and they do the thing.

–

Outside, Daisy stand over the corpse of her once husband and the unconscious body of a never great man.

Suddenly, the sky splits open and a terrible sucking force lifts Daisy off the ground. She's pulled into an alternate dimension and lands solidly on the ground of a foreign planet. She looks up only to see a strange, blue police box and two people. The one with the brown suit speaks first.

"I am the doctor," he orates.

FIN


End file.
